The Second Agreement, Goals vs. Systems, Creativity
Sync 2
The Second Agreement
There’s a book I find myself coming back to, to reorient my thoughts: The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. The second agreement is to “not take anything personally” and the book suggests this is a common fault because we’re biased towards our personal importance, and finding immunity against this can prevent needless suffering. We will always have an incomplete picture of what’s happening in someone’s life and decentering oneself is key.
In hindsight, I naively interpreted this to mean reducing my sensitivity or ability to be vulnerable with others. It’s not about putting up your own shield of armour, but about looking past someone else’s shield of armour. It’s about redirecting, not reducing, sensitivity and vulnerability towards understanding that everyone is working from their own knowledge, tools, and experience. Sensitivity shouldn’t be something to control or hide from, but rather something to embrace. Rather than avoiding situations where you feel you might take things personally, it’s about placing trust in yourself and giving yourself the freedom back by seeing people as they are.
I’m comfortable with wearing my heart on my sleeve. It isn’t a fragile thing to be locked away. Transparent as it may be, it isn’t made of glass that could crack and shatter beyond repair. On the contrary, my heart has been tested and proven to be the strongest part of me I know. - Suhaib Rumi
Compounding Systems
One of the weekly themes Neha and I chose to discuss was compounding, which led to another linked idea: systems. “Goals are the key to achievement” has been a cornerstone of my mindset on success since I can remember. However, goals are fleeting and we serially move through them, without thinking of what’s happening in between. A system outlasts a goal and is an escape from binary outcomes of succeeding or failing because it creates the idea of progress. It shift focus from outcome to iteration.
Paired with the idea of compounding, a good system becomes undeniably more important than a goal. Goals might have intrinsic value in setting a direction, but that’s where the value ends. The system determines if the goal will be met. “Are goals even necessary?” is a question we thought about. There are people who focus intensely on the system, so that reaching the ‘goal’ becomes almost inevitable, even if it wasn’t concretely determined before building the system. Systems alone offer more long-term value than any single goal.
- Mehr
Nature Within
Is it always necessary to start with a goal?
3 years ago, I used to write as a way of conversing with myself. 3 years after today, I write not to converse but to question myself. The intimate relationship I had with my words is lost but will it be reborn again? Will I have the strength of Jean-Paul Sartre to write my ‘words’. 3 years ago used to write for ambition, 3 years after today, can I write for purpose? — an undated diary entry
Looking back at my diaries I noticed a pattern that started developing somewhere after high school. The pandemic had hit and I was in my gap year. I didn’t realize it then but gap year was significant. It fundamentally challenged all my preconceptions of time, familial expectations, education, and a conventional path.
I realized time stops existing as you know it when you are not on a traditional path of education/career, etc. I also realized time which could be an hour, a day or an entire lifetime wasn’t just a social or professional element but a personal asset. Never had I ever felt so strangely responsible for my own time.
Mehr and I discussed systems vs goal personal settings. We tried breaking down what it means to shift from highly goal-motivated environments to systems-motivated environments.
We probed our own unconsciously developed systems. We asked when external competition is removed, What do you do?
An interesting takeaway from this trail of thought was that as opposed to goals, systems don’t breed on competition.
A powerful takeaway from this discussion was that systems are unique to every individual.
This reminded me of a quote I read a while ago:
To write well, you have to forget the grammar.
All creative pursuits are the results of people working in their natural systems. Here, the uncertainty of both the immediate and the far-off future is embraced fearlessly which is the first step in creation.
In goal-driven settings, this is much harder to do.
This is linked to what we discussed in Done> Perfect Mindset. In goal-based settings, I often find there’s a lot of friction even to get started on things that in the first place, I was excited to do. It’s almost nauseous.
On the other hand, systems naturally occupy a place to start acting out and perfection is just creation step by step. Negative Self-Judgement is less exercised in that place. It’s cathartic.
Speaking about my observation in the beginning of this page about me writing my diary as a way of questioning myself, as a way of speaking to the being in me who is supposed to borrow from the world and create something of value. I didn’t realize the proper value does not come from borrowing from the world or even from my own past version’s goals, ways of being and so forth. It does not come from abstracting myself as an amalgamation of goals, states of being, moments, and accolades from a distance. It comes from taking the step to close this gap between “the ideal” and “the real”rationally, in complete self-awareness of courage to exist regardless.
When you are in a state of comparison, you feel distanced from your goals but they are other people’s goals. Self-agency dies with comparison. So this Summer, I am taking the time to explore and build my unique natural systems oozing the creativity from me.